“What does happen energetically with ONE NIGHT STAND connection?”

🤔I got this question from a women-bodied-friend this morning.

This is my ANSWER with my PERSONAL EXPERIENCE in the bottom

“Thank you for this question. It is a very important question!
It actually depends. I would need to know the full story to really tell you what’s going on.

It can be everything from traumatising experience to life-changing magical inspiration. That may depend on a few simple factors:

1. What were your and your partners expectations (also unconscious expectations) for before, during and after. If they don’t match and you left it unspoken – bad time is on it’s way.

2. Are you able to let go? Women have an evolutionary predisposition to attachment to her partner for safety to the possible offspring after sex. Men can experience it too. Forced & quick de-attaching is a painful process and can feel as an energetic rape.

3. What was your and your partners energetic disposition before, during and after the meeting. Do you give energy, take energy or share (circle) energy together (tantric way).


These days it is easy to make love with almost anyone. Everyone is coming from a different world of culture, upbringing, experiences and if we don’t get to know them deeper before going into union – we might end up without awareness taking up on some unwanted and sometimes unconscious energies of the other. Sometimes playing the game of flirty courtship for longer – gives us all the answers right when we need them.

In sexual union (making love) we automatically share everything with each other. It is a both sided process happening naturally. Sharing our energy, feelings, experiences, traumas. All the ways we perceive the world (positive or negative). All the things we have learned about this world and all the things we still have to learn. Also solved & unsolved family and ancestor lineage of energy, traumas & experiences.

Our partners energy becomes the energy field around us. It can support us in the future of our development and growth or equally drag us down.

The simple energetic question is :

“Do I really want to blend both of our energies?
Do I want to carry this persons energy deeply inside of me and feel it in me for a while?
Does this persons energy feel good for me?
Do I love them unconditionally?

If YES – amazing! Stop reading this article and go on with it together! 😍

If NO – maybe rethink the idea of a one night stand.

After a lifetime of experiences I feel that there is no need to use the others body for my personal masturbation. Even if it’s mutual.

I personally ask this question of myself before going into making love:

“If she would become pregnant – would I feel good to become a parent together with her? Would I stay and support her? Or would I feel to shake the responsibility & run away from her? Would my love to her keep being strong?”

If It’s a full yes for a parenthood together – I know that whatever will happen – I will be there for her. I’ll be the mature man.

If it’s not a full yes – I refrain myself from going into love making with her.

By the way – even if I really really want it and think it’s the right thing to do for myself – she still might say no.
First – this is a question for both of us personally.
Second – we have to talk and feel each other.
Respecting each others boundaries and getting a yes/no from the other.

It’s a question of maturity, self-responsibility & love.

In some polyamorous tribes – “fathers” are all the men who ever made love with that woman. All of them take care of the child and support the family. It is believed that even if it’s not his sperm, which impregnated this woman – it’s his life-force energy which is going to make the child.


I have had moments in my life when we were both on the same page and not at all.

In this case – I had moment in my life when I was LESS CONSCIOUS about my actions. At that time – we connected deeply, but I was lost – I did not know what I want from that woman. I was rethinking all of my life, changing careers and separating with another girl. This new woman felt exciting and she loved me a lot, but I was unable to follow up with her. Or be there for her. Unable to be vulnerable and tell her the truth that I was lost. Nobody taught me. I was in my own process.

We cuddled one night in my friends place. We did not make love. But I believe that at that point in my life I would have been unconscious enough to use that moment and make love with her if she would have wanted it. Next day I had to leave to another country for 3 months. During that time I got back together with my ex and stopped communicating with the new woman…

It was a beautiful encounter for me. But super painful for her. I got to understand it deeply only when we met again. Then she shared her actual pain with me. Then I understood what asshole’ish actions I was doing towards her. I did not know that she was having expectations and huge yearning towards me. I had to feel her pain myself to understand what I have done. Reconciliation is a pain in the ass, but the most beneficial & important thing for everyone involved.

Now I sense how to be more caring for myself, women & the whole world. But it took time to learn on my own. I wish I would have had someone wisely calling out on my bullshit back then.

In another instance – the one (week) stand felt mesmerising, magical, inspiring, life-changing. She knew I had two girlfriends before we even started being physically closer to each other. I honestly shared where I stand in my life and what’s my future vision. She knew I will need to leave her home-country and I don’t know if I will ever come back. All of it – before engaging physically.

We agreed to go on with the vibrant feelings of attraction. We lost ourselves into each other. And at some point – I had to leave. We still connect and talk about it in joy. We both have other monogamous partners now. I may come back to her home-country soon and for sure I will hug her lovingly. Talk with her. And support if she’ll need.

My final advice of “FLOW”:

  1. Feel into yourself first
  2. Listen to what your body is saying (yes or no)
  3. Observe your partner and communicate with them
  4. Witness if your preferences change during relating

And if you will make mistakes in your life (we all do).
This is a “Quick check-list for healing” (sequence is important)

  1. Forgive yourself for your past choices
  2. Learn from them
  3. Be more sensitive & compassionate for yourself and others
  4. Forgive the others

Take a good care of yourself.

With Love,

Modestas Stonkus

Modestas is actively working Mentor, Tantra Teacher, Tantric Bodyworker, Teaching Dance & DJ'ing around the world. He strives to create inspirational experiences, motivating growth & love to ourselves.


Leave a Reply